Co-sleeping, or sharing a bed with your baby, is a controversial practice that often gives rise to strong and conflicting opinions.
Some people believe that co-sleeping is a beneficial method for strengthening the parent-baby bond and making breastfeeding easier, while others consider it dangerous and detrimental to sleep quality. In this article, we'll look at the potential benefits of co-sleeping for you and your baby, as well as safety precautions to take to ensure a safe practice.
If you're considering co-sleeping or simply want to learn more about this growing practice, read on to learn more.
Misconception #1: “Co-sleeping increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome”
Co-sleeping is not a risk factor for SIDS. It is the poor practice of co-sleeping (as well as solitary sleeping) that can be dangerous.
In a previous article , we reminded you of the various safety rules to follow.
When this tragedy occurs in solitary sleep, it is a question of an unexplained death, or a lack of respect for safety rules. However, solitary sleep itself is not called into question.
Fact: Co-sleeping is beneficial in reducing the risk of sudden infant death syndrome
During the first few months, the baby's breathing is still immature and irregular, with episodes of sleep apnea. The baby has a protective reflex that helps him wake up in response to these episodes. Sudden infant death syndrome is thought to be the result of this reflex not functioning properly.
It is important to know that babies do not have the same sleep cycles depending on whether they sleep alone or in co-sleeping. Babies who sleep alone have more phases of deep and long sleep, at an age when their awakening mechanisms are not yet developed. Babies who sleep in the same room as their parents accumulate more phases of light sleep and wake up more often. When parents are close to their baby, the baby's breathing, heart rate and temperature are regulated.
Finally, by sleeping close to their babies, mothers' vigilance is continuous through micro-awakenings, which causes regular stimulation of infants throughout the night. They protect their baby from potential physiological stressors, including airway coverage and overheating, and they detect an anomaly much more easily and quickly. The experience for the baby will therefore be less stressful and painful because the response will be faster.
Misconception #2: “Co-sleeping prevents children from growing and becoming independent”
It is really only in Western societies that co-sleeping is a subject of debate. Throughout the world, it is a widespread practice that is absolutely not questioned. If entire generations in certain countries were not independent because of co-sleeping, we would know about it!
Putting newborns to sleep in their parents' bed was the norm in France until the 19th century.
Nowadays, France is an exception, by systematizing the separate room of the baby from the arrival of the maternity ward and arousing the astonishment or even the disapproval of most other earthlings.
Reality: Co-sleeping provides the security needed for independence and teaches babies to attach to people rather than things
Co-sleeping, like other proximal mothering/proximal parenting practices (carrying, breastfeeding on demand, prompt response to crying, etc.), helps to establish a harmonious and trusting relationship between the baby and its parents.
Co-sleeping allows the baby to feel safe, gives him confidence, and it is precisely this base of security that will allow him to develop his autonomy.
According to attachment theory, it is only when the need for closeness is met that an individual can move away from their attachment figure to explore the outside world. Co-sleeping is associated with better sleep quality in adulthood, as sleep is linked in the subconscious to a pleasant time and not to a frightening separation.
In the longer term, babies who have developed a strong attachment bond with their parents become more confident children and then adults, less anxious, and with better self-esteem.
Co-sleeping teaches a child to feel comfortable when in physical contact with a person and does not replace people with objects.
Misconception #3: “Co-sleeping is unhealthy: there is a risk of incestuous drift”
Parents who inflict incest on their children do not get to that point because of too much daily proximity. It is the result of very different psychological disorders.
Incest is unnatural, but shared sleep is completely natural for our species. According to ethnologists, attachment makes sexual intercourse impossible.
Fact: Co-sleeping is the biological norm for our species
Human babies are particularly vulnerable, compared to other mammals, when compared to their level of development at birth. Hence their great need for physical contact, to ensure the transition between the intra-uterine world and the outside world.
The mother's body is the baby's "natural habitat". Humans are mammals known as "carried primates", which means that babies need to be close to their mother's body to feel safe. This need for proximity is physiological and is not limited to a feeling of reassurance. Frequent physical contact is beneficial for them both physically (better growth), emotionally (greater emotional security) and intellectually (better brain development). The baby's need for proximity is therefore real.
In fact, babies are genetically programmed to sleep with their mothers. This is the result of natural selection. For thousands of years, babies slept with their mothers. If a baby was left alone at night, it was often a very bad sign. Toddlers' brains are programmed to react to this situation by screaming, so that anyone nearby can hear and find them. If children left alone seem terrified, it is simply because they are naturally terrified.
Babies have not yet acquired the concept of object permanence, a concept that they begin to acquire at the end of the first year, but which will not be fully integrated until around 18 months to 2 years. It is this that allows them to understand that their parents are present in the next room when they wake up alone. Before this age, they quickly panic because the one who is not near them does not exist for them. They fear each time of being abandoned forever.
Many adults admit to being afraid of the dark and having apprehension about sleeping alone… So why expect babies to overcome these fears, when they are still so young?
Misconception #4: “Co-sleeping hinders life as a couple”
When parents "admit" to co-sleeping, those around them sometimes worry about the quality of their intimate life.
The arrival of a child changes things in this regard, whether co-sleeping or not. In fact, parents must wait until the baby is asleep before they can be together.
Your home is more than just your bedroom. This constraint can be an opportunity to be creative.
Reality: More peaceful nights for everyone
It is illusory and wrong to think that a baby should sleep through the night from the age of 3 months / from the moment he weighs 5 kg, as we can often read. As we have explained, the baby needs to wake up at night for various reasons (to feed, to reassure himself, to regulate his breathing, etc.). For his proper development, it is important to respect his rhythm and not to "force him to sleep through the night". This rhythm can be very difficult to maintain by sleeping in a separate room. Co-sleeping allows you to meet the baby's needs without restriction and by reducing fatigue.
It is obvious that it is much less tiring to take care of your baby at night without getting out of bed or waking up completely, rather than being pulled out of a deep sleep and having to move to another room to breastfeed in an armchair or prepare a bottle. With co-sleeping, except in exceptional cases (illness, pain, etc.), there are no crying fits, the night is not interrupted by prolonged awakenings that are so exhausting for parents. Sometimes, a simple hand placed on the baby who is starting to wake up is enough to soothe him and put him back to sleep.
The father also sleeps better, since in general all this happens almost silently.
Co-sleeping reassures the baby, but also the parents who hear his breathing, see him, put a hand on him to check that he is not too hot or too cold...
